Look who's Nifty Fifty!
The oldest grandchild of the late George & Theresa Smith turns fifty next month! Time for some old fart jokes...
The Perks of Being Over 50
Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
You sing along with elevator music.
Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
Things you buy now won't wear out.
You can live without sex but not without glasses.
You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
Your eyes won't get much worse.
Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
You can't remember who sent you this list.
Suppository
Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning.Ethel noticed something funny about Mable's ear and said,"Mable, did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?"Mable answered, "I have? A suppository?"She pulled it out and stared at it.Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing.Now I think I know where my hearing aid is."
The Cruise
An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy.They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon,when a wave came up and washed the old man overboard.They searched for days and couldn't find him, so the Captainsent the old woman back to shore, with the promise that hewould notify her as soon as they found something.Three weeks went by and finally, the old woman got a fax fromthe boat. It read: Ma'am, sorry to inform you that we found yourhusband dead, at the bottom of the ocean.We hauled him up to the deck, and attached to his butt was an oyster,and inside it was a pearl worth $50,000....please advise.The old woman faxed back: Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap.
Send us your jokes...
The Perks of Being Over 50
Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
You sing along with elevator music.
Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
Things you buy now won't wear out.
You can live without sex but not without glasses.
You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
Your eyes won't get much worse.
Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
You can't remember who sent you this list.
Suppository
Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning.Ethel noticed something funny about Mable's ear and said,"Mable, did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?"Mable answered, "I have? A suppository?"She pulled it out and stared at it.Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing.Now I think I know where my hearing aid is."
The Cruise
An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy.They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon,when a wave came up and washed the old man overboard.They searched for days and couldn't find him, so the Captainsent the old woman back to shore, with the promise that hewould notify her as soon as they found something.Three weeks went by and finally, the old woman got a fax fromthe boat. It read: Ma'am, sorry to inform you that we found yourhusband dead, at the bottom of the ocean.We hauled him up to the deck, and attached to his butt was an oyster,and inside it was a pearl worth $50,000....please advise.The old woman faxed back: Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap.
Send us your jokes...
posted by David at
5:09 AM
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